Female Body Snatcher
by Zee-Zee Magee
Summary: After a little mis-hap in a lab, Parker becomes the newest member of the F.B.S. I say the naughty word that rhymes with six.


**A/N:** _This is my opinion of the way the team should have discovered Nate and Sophie's relationship! Now, if only Leverage were also a sci-fi show so everybody else could understand it too!_

"Parker, quit doing that!" Parker shouted at Sophie angrily from her spot on the sofa.

"I'm Sophie, Parker," Sophie replied in a very un-British accent with too much of a whine to it, "You should really get your head examined."

"Give me my body back!" Parker shouted angrily in a voice that matched Sophie's pretty well.

"Nate," Sophie complained in a voice that sounded very similar to Parker's, "Parker seems to be under the impression that we have switched bodies even though we have not. Would you please explain to her that it is impossible to do so?"

"Why?" Nate asked as he tried very hard to ignore the glares coming his way from Par… Sophie.

"Because you're sleeping with me!" Parker, in Sophie's body, stated proudly to the surprise of everybody in the room.

"Parker!" Eliot growled at the thief who stole the grifter's body in frustration, "For the last time! Nate and Sophie are not sleeping together! Now, give Sophie her body back so we can finish the con!"

"Not until they admit it!" Parker complained angrily, "They're sleeping together! I know it!"

"And how?" Sophie, in Parker's body, asked in irritation, "Why do you think Nate and I are currently involved?"

"Well," Parker stated matter of factly as she whipped Sophie's hair around playfully before answering, "I was looking around Nate's apartment for one of my harnesses and I heard a big thud coming from his room! So, I walked up the stairs and the banging got louder! Your door was locked, Nate, so I thought it was a very bad burglar but there was a lot of screaming so I thought somebody was in trouble! And then I opened the door and it was just Sophie and you doing this really…"

"Please stop!" Hardison begged as his eyes grew extremely wide at the last statement, "I'm never going to get that image out of my head! Never!"

"You've been screwing Sophie?" Eliot questioned the mastermind as he kindly held him against the wall in a threatening manner.

"No," Nate choked as he tried to breathe despite the fact that the hitter's arm was cutting off his air supply, "I have no idea what Parker saw!"

"It must be her powers screwing with her mind," Sophie kindly added as she played with Parker's ponytail in thought, "It must be side effects of the drug they hit her with."

"No, it's not!" Parker complained as Sophie's face fell at the quick-minded excuses, "I saw them! They're lying!"

"Parker," Hardison sighed as he kindly approached the thief in the grifter's body with a tentative hand, "We'll get you the antidote soon, I promise. That way you can have your body back and won't have to worry about hugging Sophie anymore. You don't have to make up stories to get us to remember that you're stuck with the ability to switch bodies with any gal you touch. It will be okay."

"But I really did see them," Parker complained as she glared at her own body and the mastermind evenly, "You guys are mean!"

"You stole my body!" Sophie snapped back bitterly.

"Parker," Eliot growled as he finally relinquished his hold on the mastermind, "Give Sophie her body back!"

"Not 'til she admits that she's sleeping with Nate!" Parker stated back as Sophie's body rose up from her seat to walk away, though she did stumble quite a bit on her heels.

"We're not sleeping together!" Sophie and Nate screamed at the top of their lungs at the body-snatcher.

"You couldn't get me drunk enough!" Nate added on for good measure.

"Wanker!" Sophie growled as Parker's body punched him in the arm.

"Parker," Eliot pleaded as he gave both leaders the stink eye to get them to quiet down, "Give Sophie her body back!"

"NO!" Parker stated stubbornly as Sophie's body stomped her foot.

"Parker," Hardison stated soothingly, "If Sophie and Nate are sleeping together…"

"They are!" Parker argued immediately.

"Well," Hardison continued as if he had never been interrupted, "if they are and you are currently in Sophie's body."

"The little sneak," Sophie grumbled dramatically.

"And I am not sleeping with Sophie," Nate added insult to injury.

"Obviously," Eliot huffed at the two's child-like behavior.

"Wouldn't that mean," Hardison continued with a pointed glare at the rest of them, "that since you are in Sophie's body that you are sleeping with Nate?"

"What?" Eliot growled at the hacker's indignity, "What's wrong with you?"

"Brilliant," Sophie stated as she realized what the hacker was doing.

"Oh!" Parker screeched as she realized what the hacker was telling her, "Ewe!"

"I'm not sleeping with Sophie!" Nate shouted at the hacker before turning on the thief in the grifter's body, "and what do you mean ewe?"

"Nate germs!" Parker screeched as Sophie's body raced to Parker's and gently touched her on the shoulder, "That's gross!"

"Thank you, Parker," Sophie brightly smiled as she started smoothing out the wrinkles in her dress the thief had caused, "Don't ever do that again!"

"Nate germs," Parker repeated in disdain, "Yuck!"

"Good," Eliot chimed in angrily, "That's settled. Now how do we get Parker back to normal… well, Parker's version of normal?"

"Hey!" Parker punched the hitter in the arm for good measure, "You're so lucky that I can only body swap with girls or I would totally swap with Hardison right now!"

"That doesn't even make sense!" Eliot quipped back right on cue.

"Why would you want to switch bodies with me, Parker?" Hardison had the stupidity to ask.

"Just wanted to check out some pretzels," Parker stated simply as the hacker and hitter sputtered at her response, "Is that so wrong?"

"Okay," Nate sighed as he tried to turn the conversation away from the newest target, "Let's get back to business. Parker, you, Eliot and Hardison are going to break into the facility where you got your illness…"

"Superpowers," Hardison and Parker yelled dramatically in unison.

"Eliot," Nate sighed as he tried to ignore them, "You are going to make certain that they only get the antidote so we won't have any more problems. None of you are allowed to take anything but the antidote to the bodysnatching serum. Got it?"

"Yes!" all the thieves stated in disappointed unison.

"Good," Nate smiled at the knowledge that his orders would be obeyed, "Sophie and I will be waiting here until you get back."

"So they can have sex," Parker stage whispered to the other two.

"Nasty," Hardison grumped with a displeased look on his face.

"Gross, Parker," Eliot added in disgust.

"I'm not sleeping with Nate, Parker!" Sophie shouted at the thief in irritation as she kept her distance for obvious reasons.

"Whatever," Parker huffed as she left the apartment and headed for their ride.

"She does have a point though," Hardison was heard whispering on his way out to the hitter.

"I'm not having this conversation with you," Eliot shook his head with an eye roll as they left.

"About Parker's idea," Sophie added when the three were completely out of earshot.

"Oh yeah," Nate agreed with a sly grin, "We're definitely having sex!"


End file.
